Remembering

This morning I found myself looking through all the photos of Clay's time in Denver.  I suppose it is easy to say put them aside because he made it through all those grueling months and grueling surgeries. Yet, I have not posted the most terrible pix from that time.  I will not subject readers to that degree; however, they remain important because it shows what he endured as a newborn.  It shows how he ended up with severe Cerebral Palsy.  It is a miracle of God that he retained his mental capabilities and that it has been all physical challenges he lives with.  That isn't to say that the physical challenges are easier than mental.  They are just different.  Clay cannot sit by himself, he cannot dress himself or feed himself, he cannot talk like we talk, he cannot toilet or bathe like we are fortunate to be able to do all by ourselves.  Clay is on a feeding pump as a consequence to his medical crisis and near death three years ago.  He is diapered; not because he does not have the intellect to toilet but because of the nature of his body, it isn't justifiable to put him or us through the additional physical strains of trying to lift him, undress him, maintain him on a toilet.  To be out of the house would really be impossible, so he remains in diapers.  We are so very fortunate and blessed that he has persevered to remain in our family.  He has done so only through the purposes and by direction of God.

Sometimes I question why do I try to start a new blog?  Who really cares?  Truthfully it can be extremely discouraging to attempt to spill my heart, Clay's heart and see little, if any, difference it makes outside of us.  There are days I wonder, why bother? Yet despite it all, God still whispers to me not to give up writing.  He whispers, "Child, I did not give you this life story not to share it.  It is the story I have written for your lives.  Never assume it is not important."

And so, because I hear those whispers, I have to put words to my (our) life as a family.  Maybe it doesn't matter much to outsiders, or maybe it does and I just don't 'see' it in stats and reports that can make one feel so inferior and intimidated by writing.  Maybe I just need to let it go and let God.  I need to simply trust His opinions, His purposes, and His Hands working behind scenes I cannot see.  The reason I write is to bring God glory.  I need to remind myself of that more often; more of HIM, less of me.  Why should I care about tracking where the story goes and just release it more fully into a life continued to be Cradled by His Hands of Grace to use it as He decides.  <')))><