A photo has been going around facebook of a twin hugging his baby sister. They had been placed in separate open cribs before a nurse took a bold step and placed them together. When she placed the little girl by her twin, he immediately wrapped his arm around her and she began to improve, simply from being comforted by the arm that surrounded her in their mother's cramped womb. It makes me think of time in NICU with Clay month, after month, after month. Brandon used to sing Isty Bitsy Spider and You Are My Sunshine to my growing belly before Clay was born. We asked him to sing to his baby brother one of the first times we took him to Denver to meet Clay. When he started singing, Clay's oxygen levels started climbing. Clay's little finger had an oxygen monitor on it making his finger look like an ET finger; it continually monitored how well his body was producing and using oxygen. Brandon was entranced by the glowing red finger and then he would begin singing. Clay's oxygen levels would start to rise, point by point. This happened so many times that often the nurses would ask us if Brandon was in the hospital because if they were unable to get a better oxygen saturation, they wanted Brandon to sing those two miraculous little songs so full of life, joy and love for Clay to hear. Brandon was always happy to sing and NICU did not intimidate him; all of Brandon's newborn pictures looked a lot like the NICU Clay was in. Brandon probably thought all babies came into the world wired and under lights. It gave him no fear. At three years old, he would come into NICU and gregariously steal every one's hearts, including Clay's heart and lungs.
I say heart and lungs because I feel that Brandon played just as big a part in Clay's fight to survive as the rest of us did. Clay's heart could remember the sound of Brandon's voice and then Clay's lungs would function better with desire to heal. Many times the docs would stand around and watch as low nineties became mid to upper nineties. It was magical. It was also soothing and healing to us, realizing the special bond that was already strongly stitched between the two. It could not go unnoticed.
My post tonight isn't grand or well prepared because I've not felt well, but I sort of know how Clay felt when Brandon would sing encouraging words to him as Clay fought to hang on. Last night, today and many times in the past, it has been the sound of Clay's joy, of Brandon's gregarious personality, the sound of them picking on each other, that has given me the fight to feel better and to lift my spirits. Invisible disabilities such as Fibromyalgia, Trigeminal Neuralgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome can seem very debilitating at times. There are many women who battle through life in physical pain that never fully abates. If you look at us, you can't see the pain our bodies continually have to endure; we look amazingly well. We have become very good at wearing the masks of everything is great; of putting on the smile; of getting dressed and made up to look 'normal' on the outside. That is okay because we know who our sisters are. We hold each other up when one feels like throwing in a towel. We lift each other in prayers that tomorrow will be a much better day. We adapt the best way we know how. We've learned to cling to Jesus. So just as Brandon comforted Clay by singing songs, Clay now comforts me when he is feeling healthy and he is singing songs with angels we cannot see or hear. Clay sees them and Clay certainly hears them. How? It's a GOD thing. It isn't for us to question, but to accept it and acknowledge the gifts for what they are. Treasures. Tidbits of Heaven.
Yes, life started hard and shattered into lots of bits and pieces along the way. It has remained difficult much of the time. However, now and then someone comes to our side and is willing to sing Itsy Bitsy Spider and You Are My Sunshine. Just because of something so simple, done in love, our hearts and our emotions feel happy and complete. I love those happy sounds the most in my house from my sons. I do not take them for granted. I inhale them into my soul, and I thank God for allowing us to keep Brandon and Clay physically here with us. I encourage all of you who may need someone to sing such encouragement and love into your souls to know that Jesus is always that willing comforter standing right next to you; He is lifting your spirits, providing you rest, and is always available. All you have to do is open your heart and your ears to listen to the love songs God provides to you. May He cradle you in hands of comfort, relief, release and peace. My prayer is that you learn to put it all into His Hands of Grace.
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